sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
