I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
