I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
