Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
