Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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