Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
