Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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