i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
