I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
