If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
