The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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