omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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