so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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