u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ttyl tear gas
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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