just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm like, not good at living.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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