if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
