Tell her she can't have a vagina
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
