Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
