i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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