Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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