Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
