I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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