Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
