don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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