you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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