think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize