I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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