So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
