just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
