I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Less talking, more tequila
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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