when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
