wrigley field is MILF paradise
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
