Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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