You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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