I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
