The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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