so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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