WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize