Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
