Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
