I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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