so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
