about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
