your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
