It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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