pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
