Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize