i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
