I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
