Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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