She said her name was "party"
she looked like the before picture.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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