I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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