You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
