Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
