she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
being pregnant is like rehab
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
