hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
