you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
