chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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