Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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