Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
