The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
