just survived the first fart of the relationship.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
