Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How external is "for external use only"?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
