Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
