Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he thought i was a dude.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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