the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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