am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize