remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
