so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
