U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
