I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize