Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
