Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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