And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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